the secret to keeping a happy marriage after kids

My husband and I had no clue what we were doing when our first child was born. Yeah it seems like you got the hang of it when you spend time with your niece and nephew but when you have your own it’s a whole new ball game. Your are ridiculously tired and on edge where you make smart remarks about the dumbest things that pisses off your significant other and somehow makes you feel better. Your hormones are going nuts, you feel like you will NEVER get a minute and on top of that your life with your significant other is non existent.

Your conversations are about your kids, your dreams are about your kids, your activities are only about your kids. I’m not gonna lie, there were nights where just going to bed myself felt amazing because I just needed a moment and being intimate or even spending time with my husband was my last priority. I was simply exhausted by the end of the day but I missed my husband and I missed us. I missed having time for ourselves and having conversations about non kid related things. It took time for us to get back to where we used to be but it’s really the little things that make a difference.

Amar and Neesha

Communicate about the little things: I can’t stress this enough. If you are running late from work, let the other person know. If you need a break from the kids, then say it. The more open you are with each other the easier it will be.

Schedule dates: Weekly, bi-weekly or even monthly, choose a time frame that works for the both of you and stick with it. Don’t schedule anything on your date night because you need that time alone with each other.

Let go of the control freak mentality: Mother knows best but….don’t act like a know it all: Let him help you, it’s OK and if he does not do it right..let it go or show him how to do it! I write this because I wanted to control everything and when I got overwhelmed I took it out on my significant other. It’s unhealthy for your relationship and will exhaust you.

60 second cuddle: Yup in our lives 60 seconds is all the time you are gonna get so take advantage of it. Give each other a quick kiss, hug, pat, or even put your arm around them for a bit. That 60 seconds of love will make you feel so happy and wanted.

Focus on the good, not the bad: You don’t have time nor should you look for any type of negativity in your significant other. Search for the reasons why they make you smile rather than what irritates you.

Give 1 compliment a day: It will remind each other you are thinking of them and not JUST the kids all day.

Pick your battles: Just like you do with your kids, do this with your significant other. Is it really worth fighting over if he forgot to put something in the diaper bag? Learn to let go of the negativity and embrace positivity.

Enhance those listening skills: As many times as you tell your kids to listen, we often don’t listen to each other. Our minds are occupied by our kids so hearing about each others day does not happen. If they had a bad day or even a good day, ask about it and listen. If you can’t get a minute to talk, set up your kids in play areas to keep them busy for 10 minutes so you can hear about your partner’s day.

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

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