why i’m glad my husband isn’t perfect
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I haven’t thought about what it would be like if I was married to someone like Noah, (Ryan Gosling), in The Notebook. My husband isn’t the type to buy me flowers every evening or serenade to wake me up for the full course meal he made. He doesn’t make public announcements of his undying love for me and tell others that “I had him at hello.”
His versions of romantic gestures include biting my arm, (playfully!), while I’m cooking or getting me our wedding flowers for occasions like my birthday. Sometimes, out of the blue, he even picks up a nice energy stone necklace from a store he knows I’d like.
He isn’t the type to plan a whole weekend of surprises for me, (he says I’m better at planning), and he likes to just go for the ride. But if he has to plan something, (like when he proposed to me or my 30th birthday party), he goes all out and doesn’t hold his heart back with anything.
He doesn’t tell me I look beautiful when I want to hear it at times, but when I’m least expecting it, in the most random moment, he shows me. He hugs me and says I look nice. He means it with his eyes.
And while he rarely, ok never, touches the dishes…actually, there’s no follow-up with this one. He never does them and yes, that can get annoying.
But we live in this world, especially on social media, where it seems like women need to tell others how amazing their spouses are. I sometimes scroll down my Facebook news feed, and see the word perfect associated with the many elaborate date nights hubbies’ planned for friends, the special gifts boyfriends bought their girls and while I am happy for them, it makes me wonder.
Are we breeding a culture where what we get and do for another is rewarded by public “likes”?
Is love turning into a “likes” contest?
No one ever posts about the fight they had about miscommunication and how they resolved it. About the argument regarding packing the bags before a vacation that turned into a fit of giggles. About the truth that lies in what’s viewed as a “perfect” relationship. That there’s ups and downs and no one is perfect.
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”
-philosopher Sam Keen
It’s in these very imperfections, that we learn from one another and essentially about ourselves.
Isn’t that what this game of life is all about?
In the many years my husband and I have been in a relationship, (married for 4, dated for 10, but friends for almost 20), it was when we got married that I had found traits that I never knew of to stand out, felt things I never knew my heart could hold. I am constantly evolving as a wife, mother, woman.
But we both always have stuff to work on. I mean…who doesn’t?
When he’s really tired or hungry, he snaps at anything that moves; I tell him that he is stubborn at times. I get emotional when I am stressed; he says I want to make others around me happy too much.
But we balance one another, even in our flaws. I love that he is silly and ambitious. I have become less serious and lighter about life and more goal oriented because of him. He loves that I am creative and giving. He has seen life in different colors and become more philanthropic after us.
After having a child, I saw how essential our foundation of love was even more. How it’s strength is the pillar of our little family unit. And as we continue to better ourselves as human beings in this relationship, we shine as examples of truth to our beloved daughter.
Him and I…we have screamed, laughed, cried, loved and it all has been a messy beautiful portrait of love. We get each other in our best and worst.
Together, individually, it’s the mess that makes us…us.
And it’s why I wouldn’t have asked for my partner to be any other way but imperfect. Imperfectly perfect.
-Puja
22 Comments
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Puja
Lol, yes definitely feel the same Nithya!
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Parita @ myinnershakti
I love this post! You two have a beautiful relationship!
And while I’ll sometimes share a picture of me and my husband on FB or IG or even write about something we did together on my personal blog, I don’t do it for affirmation from others. But I agree that it does seem like relationships are turning into popularity contests these days…maybe that’s not the intention (maybe it is!) but that’s a feeling I sometimes get too…
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Puja
Thanks so much Parita! I totally agree, who knows what the intention is. And I love your blog too!
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Anamaria Beck
Such a great article. Thank you – pls write more as I am a mother and wife as well and I just love all your blog posts. I love to relate and to learn from you even though we don’t even know each other.
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Puja
Anamaria, thanks so much for your kind words!
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Simona
Puja! I love everything about this post and couldn’t agree more. Funny how Jason is similar in his ways it seems to your hubby, but romantic gestures are not the only ways to know you are loved. I know this is totally cheesy, but hey, even Beyoncé says “who wants that perfect love story anyway? Cliche” hahaha.
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Puja
Simona, thank you! And I love Beyonce, LOL
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Vinita joshi
Well written 🙂
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Puja
Thank you Vinita!
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Madhavi
You stole my words Puja….and what about people wishing their spouses for their birthdays on fb??? They live under the same roof!!!
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Puja
LOL Madhavi, I know sometimes it’s so funny the back and forth on FB between spouses in comments!
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Anastasia @ eco-babyz
I can relate! My husband is also not the type to cook a meal, do dishes, or shower me with gifts, but we do complete each other perfectly, with all our imperfections. I just ignore everyone’s
‘highlight reels’ on Facebook 🙂-
Puja
Thanks Anastasia! It’s so sweet to feel complete 🙂
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2cents_from_a_simple_guy
Great article!! I applaud you for accepting the realistic idea that we aren’t perfect but that it’s these imperfections or oddities that really help differentiate our relationships. My relationship wasn’t perfect, but I always felt that its these imperfections that kept our relationship balanced. I’ll be the first to admit i wasn’t perfect…but always thought I brought other things to the table to compensate. I feel that I had changed a lot about myself, to become more of the man/husband/father she would respect and expect me to be. I would help with the dishes, in the kitchen, laundry etc…mainly because I felt like if it would help her or her stress level then why not. Our culture in itself presents a certain amount of competition. This competition started when we were young and has been embedded into our DNA..from having to straight A’s being #1 in the class to marrying the most wanted person. Now we add social media to the mix and guys like myself who have lived by the “it’s the little things in life….” can no longer compete. I for one am not giving up in what I believe in….instead I will teach my children these lessons, accepting of imperfections, accepting of challenges, and live to be selfless and not selfish.
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Puja
Thanks for reading and I love hearing the “guy” perspective and feedback!
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Mayuri
Love love love your post. ..public media has become another personality contens that noone wins. Loce the insight you brought to light
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Puja
Thanks so much for reading Mayuri!
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rebeka deleon
no love story is perfect. everyone has there ups and downs and if you don’t…must be boring!
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Puja
Well said Rebeka!
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Nithya
Lovely post Puja and I agree on posting personal gifts in social media! I thought i was the one who is growing old 🙂 Glad somebody else feels the same!!