6 wishes for my boys

I have many dreams for my two boys. Many aspirations. Many hopes for them. Admittedly, some may be ones that I’m pretty sure I’m not going to accomplish in this lifetime. But which parent doesn’t?  Lately, I’ve had this specific, reoccurring thought. That they are boys and that boys are different and that most of the time boys don’t care as much as girls do about relationships, about family, about what goes into maintaining those ties. About being close, about keeping in touch with their aging parents, staying in touch with siblings, friends despite the distance or anything else that may come in between.  I try to talk to my parents every single day even when they are oceans away in different countries in opposite time zones.  And I’m very aware of what many of the men in my life, what their efforts are towards their parents, their own siblings and friends. I know the love, the care, the thoughts are there but sometimes the communication isn’t.  Is it being a girl, a woman…that keeps me yearning for those relationships to stay solid?  I wonder what my own boys will do when they’re older…when they have families of their own.  So I guess this takes me back to what my hopes and dreams are for these two little guys in my life.  As I was putting down my oldest one last night, these were the thoughts going through my head. Besides the obvious of both of them falling in love, being happy, being successful – whatever the definition of that ends up being for them –  my wishes for their ‘brother’ relationship in particular are pretty simple and ones that I hope they always hold close to their hearts.  I’m sure this list will evolve…and grow but here are the six I was thinking of as my J hugged me tight.

6 wishes for my boys

1. Keep hugging and kissing each other – even when you’re teenagers and it’s not cool to do that, even when you’re older, busy, married and have kids of your own. Never stop. You just started hugging – it’s the most warm and fuzzy thing ever and your momma is already getting teary eyes thinking of when you might outgrow it…at any moment. But don’t ever stop being affectionate with one another. Show your love through hugs and kisses forever. Say I love you freely. Remember, brothers aren’t too tough to say I love you, to hug and to kiss each other.

2. Cry together. Don’t ever be ashamed or too embarrassed to cry, to show emotions, to feel. Just because you’re boys doesn’t mean you have to appear to be too strong to let the tears flow. Try not to make each other feel self-conscious to show feelings of hurt, sadness, betrayal or more through tears. It’s ok…girls aren’t the only ones who get to cry freely. Crying doesn’t make you weak. It takes strength to let go and show emotion too.  Give each other strength by being the support when the other is down.

3. No matter the distance…stay in touch. Talk on the phone. Chat for even five minutes every day – to stay connected, to know what the other is up to, how their day went. And don’t just text. Hear each other’s voices, see each other’s faces. There’s power in that. It’s different from words on a screen. It’s important. Take the time, it matters.  And don’t say you don’t have the time. You do. You always have time for this, make the time.

4. Make it a point to take a brothers trip together every year even if you’re neighbors on the same street and definitely if you’re on opposite coasts. Travel this country, the world together. You need time, just the two of you. To keep that bond strong. To keep your relationship special, to celebrate the bond that is forever and uniquely yours…to nurture it, to grow it.  My hope is that you develop that insatiable hunger for travel that your parents have, wanting to see the different parts of the world every opportunity you get and to do it together. The most amazing , life long memories will come from escaping the bubble that your dad and I will have created for you and journeying across unfamiliar territories and learning about the unknown together.  Enjoying culture, music, food and language together. Encourage each other to escape your comfort zones.  Make a list of places you both want to go and go…together.

5. You’ve got each other. You’re two brothers but you’ve also got big responsibilities to take care of and stay connected with your cousins. Right now, you have five cousin ‘sisters’ and one day, you’ll probably have more. Because you don’t have real sisters, these are your real sisters. Protect them. Fiercely protect them. Stay in touch, no really stay in touch…these women in your life need to see your efforts, know you care. Call your ‘sisters’, spend time together, love them, show you care and let them know often.

6. Don’t stay mad too long.  Days can easily turn into weeks, week into months and months into years without speaking. I know you’ll fight. You already are…you both have different personalities. I keep thinking how can both of you be so different. But move past those conflicts as fast you get into them. Both of you know by now how very hard daddy and I worked to have you in our lives…and if there’s one thing we know to be truth, it’s that life is too short and way too precious.  That in an instant, things can change and it can all be gone. But there’s nothing that cannot be overcome. You’ll have your differences – be flexible, be forgiving and most of all, let go of your egos. Laugh it off. Spend more time being happy together than angry at each other. Life will be way more fun this way. Trust us.