The other night I started thinking about how different I am from when I turned 30 to now. Okay it’s only been 5 years (not even) but I was doing a self reflection and realized that I have grown so much and learned to focus on the things that really matter.
We all say we focus on things that only matter but it’s a lot easier said than done. We get really caught up in our busy schedule while managing our life, our married life and our family life.
“How do we know what stuff really matters?”
“How can we really measure if we are focusing on the important stuff and not sweating the small stuff?”
It’s not really a concrete answer, it’s different based on your family and your situation but as a community of moms I think we can all learn from each other from a big picture. We all have crazy busy lives, majority of us are guilty of never taking time for ourselves and more than once we have gotten caught into the world of mompetiton.
Looking back just even 5 years, I have learned so much about balancing the whole mom thing without losing yourself.
10 things I have learned as a mom in her 30’s
- Stop saying my life is crazy: I always seem to have a lot going on and just waking up saying my day is going to be crazy already adds a level of stress. This is my life, I am choosing to do the majority of these things so I need to embrace it. I am choosing to put my kids in 4 activities a week, I am choosing to work because I love my job and I choose to make a fresh meal every night. I choose to do these things because it makes me happy so the less I focus on thinking my day is crazy and embracing the things I have chose to do makes a huge impact on how my day goes.
- Don’t ever question myself on decisions I make: Do I always make the right decision? Definitely not but why sit there and second guess myself? When I used to always ask myself..what if I mess up, I found myself losing confidence in myself and always on edge. So what if I make a wrong decision about my kids or myself or work once in a while…that is life. Learn from it and move on. I know myself the best and I always have a reason to make the decisions I made regardless of who agrees with it.
- I don’t ALWAYS have to make everyone happy: This is something huge I learned. I always used to do what was best for everyone and added more stress to my life doing that then actually enjoying things. As a mom it’s hard to find that balance when it comes to birthday parties, play dates or even balancing your social life with friends. I am a very social person and I love being around people but I am realizing that as I get older it’s better to do things in smaller groups and enjoy the activity rather than including your entire social circle. Your true friends won’t get upset if they don’t get invited to everything you host.
- Organization is key: I am already super OCD but as I get older I am learning that I need to stay as organized as possible to keep a handle on balancing my life. It’s not just my life, it’s my kids activities, its time with my husband, it’s my work, it’s my social life, it’s not only my immediate family but extended family both on my side and my in laws side. It’s a lot to take on but there are easy ways to manage it. I am so dependent on my google calendar and my sticky notes app.
- It’s OK to do things for myself: I am so guilty of this. When I had my first, I had some serious guilt of making my husband stay alone with him. Did I care if he went out? Nope but I never realized how much time I needed on my own or with friends. With my kids getting older, my social calendar is way better balanced with family activities, spouse activities and adult social gatherings. I can’t feel guilty if I want to go to the mall for an hour on a weekend because that’s my time to feel at peace and think about myself. The rest of the day it’s all about the family and without that balance, it will make me crazy.
- Maintain my physical appearance: Everyone may not agree with this but personally for me when I walk out that door I feel much better when my hair and makeup are done and I am wearing something besides yoga wear. I have always been the type that has to get ready from head to toe the minute I wake up and for a while I lost myself. I rolled out in sweats to dinners and I realized it was killing my self confidence. The older I get I realize how much harder it is to maintain myself so taking that extra 10 minutes in the morning really helps.
- Stay in touch with my friends: I have friends in all different stages of life; single, married, families, dating you name it. Is it difficult to sometimes relate to their life as my life is changing? Yes. Does that mean I move on from them and just focus on those who are going through the same situation as me…Absolutely not! A friend is a friend and they bring something to your life. My single friends balance me and remind me what I can have a social life, my married friends remind me to take time for my husband and my friends with families teach me so much about parenting. I take time to send a simple text to my friends throughout the week.
- Set goals for myself: Be it personal or career goals, always have time for making yourself a better person. I went through a phase where I lost sight of myself and my goals. I went from having major career goals to making a goal to having the perfect routine for my babies at the time. I let myself believe that once I had kids I couldn’t really do much for myself. Totally wrong! As my kids get older I am learning I can set goals for myself. Things I am trying to focus on include certifications for work, decorating my house and taking chaimommas to the next level.
- Have patience: This may sound weird but when my kids were a bit younger my patience level was not very high. I know that is normal and some days are better than others but as I get older and my kids get older I am really learning that the calmer you are about things they respond better. I am trying not to let the little things get to me and remember they are allowed to make mistakes and be kids. Learning to let things go and realize that there is always a positive side to things. Life seems to be much more enjoyable this way.