I am sure I am not the only one out there, but I have come to realize that I really need to work on controlling my frustrations and not letting them out on my child when it comes to his behavior. It is way easier said than done. I know all moms hit a breaking point where you just want to be like “OMG just leave me alone or why can’t you just act better?” Especially if you had a rough night, are pregnant, rough day at work or just exhausted and your child’s behavior or actions are sending you over the top. This is even harder if your child’s behaviour is angry and aggressive. It’s easy to fight fire with fire, but this isn’t effective. If your child’s behaviour is particularly challenging more often than not, it might be worth a visit to a child counsellor. This might help to calm them and give them ways to deal with their emotions better, which in turn will do the same for you. However, there may be ways to help before it gets to that stage. I know it sometimes has come to the point where the only thing that will calm me is if he acts better…guess what I am learning IT’S NOT ABOUT ME! The more frustrated I get and raise my voice or yell, it just makes the situation way worse.
The hardest is when they are on such good behavior for a whole week then the next week it’s like a whole new child in your house. It sucks and it’s frustrating but we as moms have to remember to stay calm and come to realization they are learning and growing and it’s our job to guide them in a manner we don’t depend on them to make us feel better. Here are some tips and advice I have come across as I have been working with myself to ensure I stay calm with my son.
Don’t depend on them to calm you down: I admit I am a culprit of this! The minute you start saying “I need you to act better” or “I need you to start listening to me”, you are giving them the power to decide if you will calm down. They don’t have to act better or listen and if they don’t your anxiety and frustration level will just increase and will affect the whole family. Take it into your own hands, be it by opting to Click here or to seek other options. If the child decides not to do what you “needed” you are gonna fight back and yell, scream or even talk down to them. Now you are in a situation where they don’t care what you want because they have the power and you are just over frustrated and it’s a lose-lose situation. Try to find ways to get through to them without giving them all the power…my solution has been giving them options. For some it might be looking at remedies to allow for a calm mind, meaning calm situations. If you’re feeling anxious, on edge, and perhaps a little frustrated, looking into the likes of CBD (cannabidiol) products could potentially decrease these stressful emotions, allow you to relax a little more, and perhaps allow you to try a different approach with your children. If you’re wanting to look at the different CBD manufacturers to see what it could do for you, taking a look at something like QM’s blog reviewing different CBD companies and their products could be a good place to start your cannabidiol education.
Make a goal to become a calm parent: I am sure you have controlled it before with a boss or an elder family member. You know if you lash out there will be horrible repercussions afterward. It is the same situation with your child. Take a deep breath when you feel your frustrations coming on and if you know you won’t be able to communicate without your blood pressure going sky high, walk away for a few minutes. Remember controlling your anxiety towards a younger one is way harder than someone older because you are stuck in a bind where you need to control them but really you are giving them a chance to control you.
Focus on yourself: As a parent you have 1000 things going on a day to day basis and the minute you feel like you have lost control of even one small thing, your anxiety level will raise and your child will be the one who you let it out on. That is not fair to them. Make sure you take time to focus on yourself because once you know you have control over your feelings and goals in life you will react better with your child when situations do arise. Take an evening to yourself and try some calming techniques, perhaps a nice relaxing bath or you can Click here to view some products that can be tried to help ease some anxiety you might be feeling. This way, you’ll hopefully feel more content for the next day and won’t feel so much frustration, and end up taking it out on your child.
React from your mind not your emotions: When something happens our instant reaction is that we yell, raise our voice or tell them they are bad and they need to go sit in the corner. Think about that..does that seem rationale? Nope but it is very normal. We let ourselves make decisions based on emotions and not from our head and therefore make the situation way worse than it already is. Take a moment and really understand what happened and how you can react to actually get through to your child and not think you are getting through by making yourself feel better. Again it will just end in a lose lose situation because your child will fight back and you will keep getting more frustrated.
Take a moment to respond: The other day my son finished his dinner and just threw his dirty napkin on the floor, didn’t pick up his dishes and just walked away knowing it would make me upset. What did I do, I started yelling at him and saying I need you to come pick up this napkin RIGHT NOW or you will be in big trouble. What did he do, he lashed out at me and I just got even more frustrated…over a simple napkin on the floor. I had a rough night the night before being 7 months pregnant so being tired didn’t help the situation and that is something I should have reflected on before I started yelling. Then I took a moment..really I got that angry over a napkin on the floor? What he did was not right but the way I reacted was even worse. I needed to find a way to teach him what he did was wrong and to pick up the napkin without losing it. Focus on really understanding the difference between why the situation makes you upset and why it is triggering you and what really just happened with your child. There is a huge difference here and as moms we need to take a moment to clarify before we start reacting.
You can only change yourself and not your child: You can’t change your child. He or she is who they are and can be guided in the right direction but you will never make them be exactly who you want them to be. You can change yourself and make decisions on how you react to your child. You don’t have to sit there and be perfect parent and never raise your voice because sometimes they need it. Understanding how to set boundaries and disciplinary actions before you get into the frustrated phase will make a huge difference. It’s your job as a parent to focus on getting through to your child not make your anxiety level go down by yelling at them. It’s like being in a leadership role at work. If you fall apart and have no control over your employees, they will fall apart and perform badly. If you go in with a plan or strategies on dealing with situations, good and bad, the work performance of your team will be much better.
As a parent all of this is very tough and even though I have written about all these pieces of advice I am still working finding ways to control my frustrations. It’s really about controlling your life and taking a moment to think rationale. DON’T let those emotions control your decisions because it will affect your whole family.
Leave your comments below if you have gone through something like this or have any more tips 🙂