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communication tips for parents after having a baby
Communication between my husband and I before we had our first son was great! We were finally at a place where we really learned to let the little things go, make the most of every moment and be positive about all our conversations. Then out come this baby where neither of us had any idea what to do. We were not sleeping, missing meals and barely functioning during the day…our level of tiredness was unreal so our level of patience dropped and who best then to let it out on your significant other.
A typical scenario: You are starving, exhausted, your baby won’t stop crying and just pooped all over themselves and your significant other does not offer to change their diaper and you just blow it. A little communication could save that huge fight that you probably had over that one diaper change. But guess what: IT IS NORMAL and just a phase just like your baby going through their multiple phases in life.
I wanted to share some tips with you that I used to make our situation so much better!
As a mom, don’t try to control everything: I have a very type A personality and I wanted things done the way I thought was right for my child. Yes everyone says “mothers knows best” but he is the dad and he would never do anything to harm your child. Let them bathe the kid, let them make a meal for the kid (we are still working on this!) or let them get the kid ready. I used to freak out because he didn’t get Ayven ready the way I do, but you know what, he is helping me and that’s all that matters. I learned it’s not about the way I want things, I needed to focus on letting people in and not be as controlling. The more you control and nag, the more the other parent will be pushed away.
Don’t assume your significant other knows what you want There were times that my husband would be sitting on the couch watching TV and I was upstairs doing 100 things for the baby. All I kept thinking in my head would be why doesn’t he get up and help me, I don’t get it. Why do I have to do everything? Well guess what, I soon learned you gotta just tell them you need help or what they can do to help. I know every man would agree that they are not mind readers and if the woman would just say what they wanted them to do, it would make life a lot easier. IT DOES! Don’t hold back anything and let the frustration build up because then you say things you don’t mean while all you had to do was be open with them.
Be on the same page in terms of your child: If one parent is 100% ready to potty train and the other parent thinks it’s not the time and they won’t help…DON”T DO IT…it’s only gonna be harder for your child. Both of you being on the same page will make a huge difference. Talk through why you think and don’t think you should do certain things for your child and find a way to work together. The minute you start doing your own thing, you will get frustrated because you have no help, your child will get frustrated because mommy says one thing and daddy says another.
Learn to compromise: I can’t stress this enough. It’s not always going to be your way or their way so learning how to come to a decision on certain issues that affect your family is very critical. Don’t get frustrated the minute you disagree and walk away. Figure out what would be best for your child and come up with a solution. We still to this day have opposing views on different topics but we learned to focus on our kids and make a decision based on their interest.
Take a moment away from each other: When you get to the point beyond frustration and you know you are gonna say things you don’t mean, WALK AWAY. It’s not worth it at all. Just go take a breather and then come back after you are calm because from personal experience being that tired, you can say things that hurt and that is so unhealthy for your family, especially at a time when something so amazing has just entered your world. Don’t take offense if the other person walks away, give them the benefit of the doubt that they just need a moment.
We went through this. Especially at night. My husband has this amazing ability to hear a cat walking outside our window but not the baby screaming right next to him. I did exclusive pumping and nights, where just unreal.Change, feed, change again then settle him back down, then I would have to pump, by the time i was done, he was up again. So at this point I was thinking murder. So, next day, your right, you have to tell them straight. We changed routine, took a little bit, and forceful waking up but it was a life saver. He changed, I got the bottle ready, he fed, I pumped, cleaned my tools, and he put the baby back to bed. 30 mins we were both asleep. It was awesome, and probably marriage saver. So yes, definately, have to tell them step by step what you want done!!