miscarriage or stillbirth: how to honor your baby



I lost a baby during a miscarriage 4 years ago and still to this day I think about that baby.  People always told me it gets easier but one thing I am sure all moms who have had a miscarriage or lost child can agree is that you never forget that pain.

It hurts to think about it even 4 years down the line.

It hurts to think it could have been something you did.

It hurts to see your family and always think…there should have been one more.

It hurts to tell your kids he/she had another sibling.

It just hurts.

I can finally say I have come to grips that it has happened but I don’t ever think the “why” portion will go away.  It’s just human nature, we fall in love with our children from the day that little pink line shows up on that white tube.

After grieving the first year, I had decide to find ways to honor my lost child.  Some people may think I am crazy but for me, it makes me feel like they are still a part of me.  Everyone grieves and deals with the loss of a child in very different ways.  For me I like to remember the few good memories we did have even though we never met the baby.  The day we found out we were pregnant, the day we told our older son we were having a baby.

Each year I sit and look through all the ultrasound pictures and just take a moment to be.  I don’t talk to anyone and I let tears flow out to just let my body grieve.  I pray that my baby is safe and in a good place. I do it for about 30 minutes.  It makes my heart feel warm.  It’s just one way you can still stay connected to your loss.

For those 30 minutes every year I give my undivided attention to my lost child.  I don’t think about my work, routines, meals or anything else.  I just sit and let my body process the feelings.  Each year I do this the tears stop flowing as much and the positive vibes start running through me that the baby is in a good place.

Honoring and memorializing a miscarriage or stillbirth can be incredibly healing

  1. Plant a tree in honor of your child
  2. Read the book you read to your “Belly” to your other kids on the day of the miscarriage
  3. Keep a journal of your feelings
  4. Make a scrap book of the ultrasound pictures with little quotes from what your family would say when they looked at the pictures
  5. Write a note to your child from the family and release a balloon each year on the date you lost him or her
  6. Make a remembrance flower pot with the baby’s name or just “baby” on it and plant a special flower
  7. Get a bear created from one of your pregnancy shirts into a stuffed animal
  8. Light a candle on the eve of your child’s death
  9. Get a birthstone ring to wear
  10. Get a personalized Christmas Ornament with their ultrasound picture or something that reminds you of the baby.

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